Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
