I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize