I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
