if you like me you must not know who I am
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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