I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
