You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
