he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
