you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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