Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
