May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
