They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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