I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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