we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
