dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
