i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
