wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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