The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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