So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
