I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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