i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
