Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
