Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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