dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
