Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
