god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
