I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
