After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
