Im at strip club and am horny
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
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