I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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