the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
