I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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