if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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