guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
