i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
