farters have to be the big spoon...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
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I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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