i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
