return my video game
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
