when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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