His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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