Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
