He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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