it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
