My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
