yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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