A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
