Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
