I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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