So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
