I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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