toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it's great music for shaving your balls
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
