I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
