i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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