Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
