I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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