It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
that's an acceptable place to lick
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
