I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
