had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
