remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
