mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
