It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
