i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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