Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
