Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Randomize
