omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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