let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
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there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
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define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?