So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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