Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
