my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
