you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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