I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
