those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
